You can’t enforce a boundary that doesn’t exist
We’ve had a new houseguest for a week now . . a Guide Dog puppy we’re fostering. At 15 months she’s sweet, incredibly smart, and, it turns out, very good at testing boundaries.
She came to us with some excellent training already in place. She knew where she was supposed to go, what she was supposed to do, and how to behave around people. But the problem wasn’t her training. It was ours.
We didn’t yet know the rules clearly enough to stick to them consistently. So of course, she did what any clever, curious creature would do, she pushed.
Can I get on the couch?
Can I ignore this command?
What if I just gently mouth your hand or your jeans when I’m happy to see you?
She wasn’t being naughty, she was just exploring the edges of what was allowed. She was doing what we all do when the lines aren’t clear.
And that’s the lesson this week.
We can’t stick to boundaries we haven’t defined.
We can’t enforce what we haven’t made clear.
And we absolutely can’t expect others to respect a boundary we’re not upholding ourselves.
Whether we’re talking about dogs, partners, clients, coworkers, or even our own inner critics, boundaries only work when:
We know what they are,
We communicate them clearly, and
We consistently follow through.
That part can be uncomfortable, especially if you’ve spent a lifetime prioritizing other people’s comfort over your own. But just like our puppy, people adapt fast when the expectations are clear and fair.
Every day now, things are smoother. She knows the rules. We know the rules. The whole house is calmer because we’re all working with something that makes sense.
So if things feel a bit chaotic in your world, here’s a question to consider this week:
What boundary have I not fully defined, communicated, or enforced . . and what would change if I did?
If you’re ready for things to change, start there. One clear boundary at a time, one calm “no.”, or one brave conversation.
You don’t need to overhaul your whole life. Just decide what matters, and honor it out loud.
Change starts at the edges. That’s where you draw the line.
